Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
How To Make Many Friends Easily
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
| About The Author Ivan Campuzano A recent Colorado State University graduate with a degree in Finance. While at CSU Ivan studied abroad for a semester at the School of Economics (VSE) in Prague. Prague was such an amazing experience for Ivan, that he decided to move back and pursue several of his dreams.Interests: investing,trading,reading,traveling,music,meeting new people,and looking for new opportunities. |
William Stephenson, On Doing More In Life
My name is William Stephenson; I grew up in Manasquan and have spent most of my life in New Jersey. I’d like to speak with you about achieving your best, about making the most of your assets and realizing your biggest dreams.
I was raised with the adage that my accomplishments were only limited to the heights I could imagine. This was a commonly used and inspirational line that many parents shared with their children. At the time, those words didn’t mean so much to me. Upon further reflection however, the spirit of those words was ever present in my blind sub-conscience.
When I was only 9 years of age, I had 2 paper routes on opposite ends of town. It was a morning paper, The Start Ledger; therefore both routes had to be completed by 7am. I pedaled fast to get back from the Manasquan Beach and change in time for school. The early riches that I enjoyed afforded many crucial lessons which would subsequently fuel my future achievements.
By learning the power of hard work and money at such an early age, an age where we’re all highly impressionable, it forever solidified the correlation between the two. I am incredibly grateful to my parents for supporting me in those early desires. The significance of this work should not be underscored; to me, it helped form one of my core values in life, responsibility.
By learning to do for myself and not waiting for someone else to take responsibility, I not only acquired things more speedily, but I had the good feeling of having earned them myself.
This early money was invested wisely, not an IRA, not a 401K, I used those funds for flight lessons at Allaire Airport. At age 13, I was speaking with an Uncle of mine. He was a war hero to me, who fought in Korea. He stated that he always regretted not learning how to fly. For some reason, his regret cautioned me enough not to follow his path. I clipped a 50% off coupon from an Entertainment Guide for an introductory flight lesson. Well, soaring above my home town and central New Jersey served two purposes. First, it sold me instantly on the joys of flight. Second, and more importantly, it extended my reach out into the world; it effectively reduced the size of it and led me to believe that it would be easier to conquer now. Again, I have to thank my parents for allowing me to circle their home at 1000 feet. They clearly hadn’t read all of the accident reports on that scenario.
About one year after that first flight lesson, I accomplished one of my most rewarding feats. I had officially been involved with Boy Scout Troop 59 of Manasquan for only 4 years when I had reached a pinnacle by attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. To this day, less than 2% of all scouts make it that far. To this day as well, I still don’t know why that percentage has remained so low. Even at age 14, my drive was surpassing my moments. Each Eagle Scout applicant must appear before a board of review to validate his award and confirm that he in fact extols the virtues befitting the milestone. At this board of review the applicant sits among and across from several elders in his troop as well as a representative from the council level, the governing body for many troops.
I perplexed them all that evening, not on purpose of course. All I had to do was answer a few questions and I would be an Eagle Scout. Later, I was told that the elders of my troop were kicking themselves underneath the table. They would have preferred that I had said less rather than more that evening.
I was questioned about my awareness of the high honor they would soon bestow upon me. My answers and my feelings in general about the rank of Eagle Scout at the time were slightly dismissive. Quite frankly, I saw the rank of Eagle as just another step along the scouting trail. In fact, as they pressed me about why I didn’t seem as excited about it as perhaps the elders were, I told them that every scout should follow the logical path that I had taken and achieve the rank as well. My unrefined point that evening was that I felt the very act of holding that rank up on a special pedestal was one of the impediments to most scouts attaining it. I believe that more scouts would enjoy the accolade if it were not placed so high above them. Of course, this could possibly dilute the experience at the same time.
After much back and forth, I acquiesced and agreed that it was indeed a tremendous accomplishment. I was now one of the younger Eagle Scouts in our troop’s storied history. My years in scouting provided far too many memories and tales to share with you this evening, however, the leadership skills that I cultivated during those early years would prove pivotal. They have played a key part in every major accomplishment and milestone after that. I believe the Boy Scouts to be a fine organization for our youth when accompanied by active parenting. Its affects are incalculable.
Psychologists say that the majority of our basic learning is acquired by the age of 16; if this in indeed true, the importance of our early decisions is paramount. The more healthy habits and useful ventures we take part in during this phase of life, the better.
Soon, I was off to college at the University of South Carolina. I worked almost continuously through those years and took my virtues to the job place. I found myself in a setting where the status quo ruled. It’s certainly easier in the short term to follow the lead; however, leading the pack at the workplace provides far greater returns in the long run. Standing out and shaking up the system takes courage or simply a set of convictions that disregards the consequences. This is why leading in life is critical. When you place yourself in the driver’s seat you are less beholden to peer-pressures which may lead people astray.
Throughout these years my love for flying never ceased. I worked to learn and that correlation always seemed to get me through the tougher days. After graduating with a Bachelors degree in an area unrelated to flying, I returned home and finished the flight ratings required in order to call myself a professional pilot. I was now getting paid to give sightseeing tours up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was a tremendous feeling being right back where I started 10 years earlier yet so much further ahead. I was now getting paid for every one of those coveted flight hours necessary for advancement, how ironic, I felt?
Another crucial lesson learned during this phase of my life was how two steps back could lead oneself miles ahead. I left that wonderful job at Allaire Airport and gambled on a new venture at Teterboro Airport in North Jersey. I made less money and added one hour to my commute each way. Many thought I was crazy, but I was looking beyond tomorrow.
For the next 6½ years, I participated in a niche market in the business aviation world. I flew organ transplant teams around our country in Lear jets, King Airs, and Barons. It was hard work; we were often called into action at the last minute and it was typically midnight. Years later I would be rewarded for those efforts in a far greater way than just my pay. More on that treat soon.
The challenges that forced my cohorts and I in this last position codified that work ethic learned as a paper boy years earlier. One of the lessons there taught me that we are continually growing and every action or inaction we participate in affects our future. We mustn’t look at each day as just any day. Every morning we wake up is another opportunity to better ourselves. Rarely will anyone of us remain stagnant; we’re either moving a head or behind in life. We make these choices everyday and all day.
After just nine years in the aviation industry I had yet again reached a pinnacle. I have taken a job on a Challenger jet flying a Fortune 200 company and its proprietors around the globe. Those early paper route dollars that I invested in flight training have come full circle. Delivering The Star Ledger has broadened my horizons in the literal sense. My world had in fact shrunk that afternoon at age 13, when I took my first flight and my first flight lesson.
To help drive this point home, as to how each action we take today lends to our successes or failures tomorrow, let me tell you about my high school prom date. Edie was one of the more unique individuals attending Manasquan High School during my years there. I quickly noted something special about her. At the time of our senior prom, she had a boyfriend from another school. Because of those circumstances, I was certainly not looking short term when I asked her to be my date for that event. I was looking far into my future and recently that has paid off for me as well. On May 5th of this year Edie and I were married in Manahawkin, NJ; my high school sweetheart is now so much more and forever.
Now, as promised, the reward worth so much more than a paycheck. About a year ago I found myself at a wake for my friend’s grandmother. At this wake I was introduced to the parents of a 6 year old boy. I was expecting to meet these folks because I knew their son had been given a personal tour of Giant’s Stadium a couple of years prior, compliments of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We had some mutual friends in that football organization. As I spoke with the boy’s parents, I was less interested in the NY Giants and more interested in what their child had endured to warrant the attention of the foundation. The Father told me that his son Stephen had received a heart transplant in early 2001. As they were asking me about the NY Giants, I persisted with the questions about his son’s heart. Well, as it turned out, at about midnight in early 2001, my copilot and I flew to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut and retrieved Stephen’s heart. Confirming the details of the missionafter the wake made me very emotional. This was the closest I had ever been to realizing the fruits of my labor. About two weeks later, we all gathered at little Stephen’s house and enjoyed the Super Bowl together. Stephen told me after a couple hours, “Thank you for my heart.”
Now, in conclusion, I’m no different than anyone else in this room. The only privilege I had growing up was my parents blessing on the myriad of desires I came home with each week. They thankfully had the courage themselves to let me take things to their conclusion. Well, I’m still reaching. When I fly along at 41,000 feet and I gaze out into the stars at night, they just don’t seem so far away. Each and every one of those stars seems to be inviting me towards it. I know there is something behind each one and the more stars that I can look behind, the more confident I grow. Harness each and every day you live and before you know it, you’ll be leading life, not simply living it.
Thank you all very much for allowing me to share some of the things I have learned about life in my first 34 years.
I was raised with the adage that my accomplishments were only limited to the heights I could imagine. This was a commonly used and inspirational line that many parents shared with their children. At the time, those words didn’t mean so much to me. Upon further reflection however, the spirit of those words was ever present in my blind sub-conscience.
When I was only 9 years of age, I had 2 paper routes on opposite ends of town. It was a morning paper, The Start Ledger; therefore both routes had to be completed by 7am. I pedaled fast to get back from the Manasquan Beach and change in time for school. The early riches that I enjoyed afforded many crucial lessons which would subsequently fuel my future achievements.
By learning the power of hard work and money at such an early age, an age where we’re all highly impressionable, it forever solidified the correlation between the two. I am incredibly grateful to my parents for supporting me in those early desires. The significance of this work should not be underscored; to me, it helped form one of my core values in life, responsibility.
By learning to do for myself and not waiting for someone else to take responsibility, I not only acquired things more speedily, but I had the good feeling of having earned them myself.
This early money was invested wisely, not an IRA, not a 401K, I used those funds for flight lessons at Allaire Airport. At age 13, I was speaking with an Uncle of mine. He was a war hero to me, who fought in Korea. He stated that he always regretted not learning how to fly. For some reason, his regret cautioned me enough not to follow his path. I clipped a 50% off coupon from an Entertainment Guide for an introductory flight lesson. Well, soaring above my home town and central New Jersey served two purposes. First, it sold me instantly on the joys of flight. Second, and more importantly, it extended my reach out into the world; it effectively reduced the size of it and led me to believe that it would be easier to conquer now. Again, I have to thank my parents for allowing me to circle their home at 1000 feet. They clearly hadn’t read all of the accident reports on that scenario.
About one year after that first flight lesson, I accomplished one of my most rewarding feats. I had officially been involved with Boy Scout Troop 59 of Manasquan for only 4 years when I had reached a pinnacle by attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. To this day, less than 2% of all scouts make it that far. To this day as well, I still don’t know why that percentage has remained so low. Even at age 14, my drive was surpassing my moments. Each Eagle Scout applicant must appear before a board of review to validate his award and confirm that he in fact extols the virtues befitting the milestone. At this board of review the applicant sits among and across from several elders in his troop as well as a representative from the council level, the governing body for many troops.
I perplexed them all that evening, not on purpose of course. All I had to do was answer a few questions and I would be an Eagle Scout. Later, I was told that the elders of my troop were kicking themselves underneath the table. They would have preferred that I had said less rather than more that evening.
I was questioned about my awareness of the high honor they would soon bestow upon me. My answers and my feelings in general about the rank of Eagle Scout at the time were slightly dismissive. Quite frankly, I saw the rank of Eagle as just another step along the scouting trail. In fact, as they pressed me about why I didn’t seem as excited about it as perhaps the elders were, I told them that every scout should follow the logical path that I had taken and achieve the rank as well. My unrefined point that evening was that I felt the very act of holding that rank up on a special pedestal was one of the impediments to most scouts attaining it. I believe that more scouts would enjoy the accolade if it were not placed so high above them. Of course, this could possibly dilute the experience at the same time.
After much back and forth, I acquiesced and agreed that it was indeed a tremendous accomplishment. I was now one of the younger Eagle Scouts in our troop’s storied history. My years in scouting provided far too many memories and tales to share with you this evening, however, the leadership skills that I cultivated during those early years would prove pivotal. They have played a key part in every major accomplishment and milestone after that. I believe the Boy Scouts to be a fine organization for our youth when accompanied by active parenting. Its affects are incalculable.
Psychologists say that the majority of our basic learning is acquired by the age of 16; if this in indeed true, the importance of our early decisions is paramount. The more healthy habits and useful ventures we take part in during this phase of life, the better.
Soon, I was off to college at the University of South Carolina. I worked almost continuously through those years and took my virtues to the job place. I found myself in a setting where the status quo ruled. It’s certainly easier in the short term to follow the lead; however, leading the pack at the workplace provides far greater returns in the long run. Standing out and shaking up the system takes courage or simply a set of convictions that disregards the consequences. This is why leading in life is critical. When you place yourself in the driver’s seat you are less beholden to peer-pressures which may lead people astray.
Throughout these years my love for flying never ceased. I worked to learn and that correlation always seemed to get me through the tougher days. After graduating with a Bachelors degree in an area unrelated to flying, I returned home and finished the flight ratings required in order to call myself a professional pilot. I was now getting paid to give sightseeing tours up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was a tremendous feeling being right back where I started 10 years earlier yet so much further ahead. I was now getting paid for every one of those coveted flight hours necessary for advancement, how ironic, I felt?
Another crucial lesson learned during this phase of my life was how two steps back could lead oneself miles ahead. I left that wonderful job at Allaire Airport and gambled on a new venture at Teterboro Airport in North Jersey. I made less money and added one hour to my commute each way. Many thought I was crazy, but I was looking beyond tomorrow.
For the next 6½ years, I participated in a niche market in the business aviation world. I flew organ transplant teams around our country in Lear jets, King Airs, and Barons. It was hard work; we were often called into action at the last minute and it was typically midnight. Years later I would be rewarded for those efforts in a far greater way than just my pay. More on that treat soon.
The challenges that forced my cohorts and I in this last position codified that work ethic learned as a paper boy years earlier. One of the lessons there taught me that we are continually growing and every action or inaction we participate in affects our future. We mustn’t look at each day as just any day. Every morning we wake up is another opportunity to better ourselves. Rarely will anyone of us remain stagnant; we’re either moving a head or behind in life. We make these choices everyday and all day.
After just nine years in the aviation industry I had yet again reached a pinnacle. I have taken a job on a Challenger jet flying a Fortune 200 company and its proprietors around the globe. Those early paper route dollars that I invested in flight training have come full circle. Delivering The Star Ledger has broadened my horizons in the literal sense. My world had in fact shrunk that afternoon at age 13, when I took my first flight and my first flight lesson.
To help drive this point home, as to how each action we take today lends to our successes or failures tomorrow, let me tell you about my high school prom date. Edie was one of the more unique individuals attending Manasquan High School during my years there. I quickly noted something special about her. At the time of our senior prom, she had a boyfriend from another school. Because of those circumstances, I was certainly not looking short term when I asked her to be my date for that event. I was looking far into my future and recently that has paid off for me as well. On May 5th of this year Edie and I were married in Manahawkin, NJ; my high school sweetheart is now so much more and forever.
Now, as promised, the reward worth so much more than a paycheck. About a year ago I found myself at a wake for my friend’s grandmother. At this wake I was introduced to the parents of a 6 year old boy. I was expecting to meet these folks because I knew their son had been given a personal tour of Giant’s Stadium a couple of years prior, compliments of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We had some mutual friends in that football organization. As I spoke with the boy’s parents, I was less interested in the NY Giants and more interested in what their child had endured to warrant the attention of the foundation. The Father told me that his son Stephen had received a heart transplant in early 2001. As they were asking me about the NY Giants, I persisted with the questions about his son’s heart. Well, as it turned out, at about midnight in early 2001, my copilot and I flew to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut and retrieved Stephen’s heart. Confirming the details of the missionafter the wake made me very emotional. This was the closest I had ever been to realizing the fruits of my labor. About two weeks later, we all gathered at little Stephen’s house and enjoyed the Super Bowl together. Stephen told me after a couple hours, “Thank you for my heart.”
Now, in conclusion, I’m no different than anyone else in this room. The only privilege I had growing up was my parents blessing on the myriad of desires I came home with each week. They thankfully had the courage themselves to let me take things to their conclusion. Well, I’m still reaching. When I fly along at 41,000 feet and I gaze out into the stars at night, they just don’t seem so far away. Each and every one of those stars seems to be inviting me towards it. I know there is something behind each one and the more stars that I can look behind, the more confident I grow. Harness each and every day you live and before you know it, you’ll be leading life, not simply living it.
Thank you all very much for allowing me to share some of the things I have learned about life in my first 34 years.
| About The Author William Stephenson is a self help guru and motivational speaker from New Jersey. You can find more information about him at http://www.AllYourPrints.com or visit http://lr25plt.sofsuccess.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=ARTICLE to learn how you can be more successful today! |
| |
I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?
I think I can. I think I can. Can I? Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to: One Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly? Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go. You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc. Two Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be? Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics. You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others. Three Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there? Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process. You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates. Four Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way? We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are: The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones. A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job. Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business. Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives. Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.” Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you. Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk: B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there: A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.” B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.” Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder? A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision: A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.” B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.” Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search? D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal: A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.” B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.” Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree? S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that: A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!” B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.” The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think? Five Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes? The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.” Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk: • Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head • Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts • Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives • Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought. This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
|
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
